From ‘Dusk To Out Of Control’ Part 1 and Part 2 addressed the causes and energetic consequences of bingeing. They also provided two specific strategies for maintaining self-control, even when hidden by the security blanket of darkness that falls after dusk. The final key to self-control is one of the most important life lessons—the inner power brought forth through acceptance. It is essential that every energetic being unlocks their ability to self-accept. After all, we are each perfect in our own uniqueness.
“Self-approval and self-acceptance in the now are the main keys to positive changes in every area of our lives.” -Louise Hay
Gifting ourselves with this ultimate sense of acceptance is essential to finding closure and moving forward with our lives, without maintaining that need to punish ourselves. It is a huge awakening when we may finally see that when we lose control—whether that be through overspending, drinking, food bingeing, gambling, or continuing unhealthy patterns—we are engaging in a cycle of punishing ourselves.
Self-Acceptance and Willpower
Unfortunately, many do not begin to see the bigger picture until it is too late. As many of you may know or feel, you have the greatest volume of willpower right after you have had your needs met. In that moment after losing control and giving in, you feel satiated, content, relaxed and at peace, but only for a moment. You just did what you said you didn’t want to do anymore. Realization sets in and takes over, snowballing into a sense of disappointment. It is then that you move from content mode into punishing mode; you are angry and hurt about the self-betrayal, maybe feeling inadequate or unwanted.
You are having feelings and emotions about yourself that are unkind, untrue, and damaging. You are now very motivated to punish, and you choose yourself as the target. Let the punishment fit the crime. Really punish yourself, so next time you don’t forget (this is the anger surfacing). It’s here that you can let the anger go, turning it into a resolution. Do what you are trying not to do; do it even more. Feeling the shame, regardless of who it belongs to, gives you more ambition to move forward with self-punishment. Here’s the problem: You are not punishing the person or situation that hurt or offended you. It is, or they are, free to be. Meanwhile, you are imprisoned by your beliefs that you created.
You gave in to your addiction (food, porn etc.). Now you are satisfied, but the craving has been replaced by disappointment with yourself for caving again. In this moment you become highly motivated to set your goals and follow through tomorrow or even immediately. This is willpower.
The biggest challenge we face in maintaining self-control is locating that willpower tomorrow, or later in the day or evening, when you are hungry for your fix. It is always there, but it hides.
To conquer your addiction is to take the addiction’s power away and restore it to the rightful owner. You are the rightful owner of your power, take it back and give no meaning or attention to your addiction again.
What causes your power to hide, allowing a binge?
This may be different for everyone, but we all share the same common denominator: betrayal. We have been betrayed by a person or circumstance. The betrayal will be unique to Self. The punishment we choose in response to a perceived betrayal against ourselves will also be unique. Still, the roots are always similar. We punish ourselves because we could have seen it coming or because we weren’t good enough for this betrayal not to happen. We blame ourselves because we could have reacted to the situation differently. Sometimes we may not even consciously know what the betrayal was, but our subconscious has recorded and downloaded it into our cellular files. Even unaware, we respond to this program setting.
How do we re-pattern ourselves when dusk comes?
As the sun starts to fade, our environments become quieter. We find ourselves left alone with our disappointments, our thoughts, and our demons. We may start to feel vulnerable, weak, sad, or empty. Many of us will begin to self soothe by giving in because it makes us feel good in the moment. It gives us false empowerment to do as we please, breaking the rules. It becomes a cynical resolution.
We did what we wanted, what we thought we needed at the time to take care of ourselves. We believe we are showing you and punishing you—the offender. In actuality, we are punishing ourselves. We haven’t let go of the past; we aren’t living in the present. We are living in that past hurt and moment, allowing it to swallow us up and make us feel awful again and again. There is nowhere to hide to make the discomfort go away. We fool ourselves into thinking that, with our addiction, we can escape. This strategy will always be short lived.
So how do we get out of the deep, dark recesses of our ‘out of control’? First, we really have to mean it when we say we want to be free. So ask yourself, do you really want freedom? Ask yourself how this darkness serves us and our hidden agenda. Secondly, we need to find an alternate route to self-soothing. Last but not least, we must honestly recognize that we aren’t on any level hurting our offender, or past circumstance, validating our needs, or accomplishing anything that is prosperous for our Self or our future.
If you really are honest with yourself, you may find a new route to feeling comfortable in your own skin and letting go of all those things that haunt you after dusk. Clinical psychologist Leon F. Seltzer Ph.D. confirms that “we can recognize our weaknesses, limitations, and foibles, but this awareness in no way interferes with our ability to fully accept ourselves.”
When we completely forgive and accept ourselves, we unlock the power and insight needed to make the choices and habits that truly nurture our energetic selves, releasing the self-destructive cycle for good. It is then that the power of self-acceptance allows us to finally be kind to ourselves.
For more personalized guidance on this topic, schedule a consultation with Rose.
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What To Remember:
Self-acceptance is the key to empowerment.
Willpower may hide at the most crucial moments.
When we give in to vices, we allow a self-destructive cycle to continue.
It is possible to accept ourselves and thereby reveal the path to positive self-care.
- Seltzer, Leon F. The Path To Unconditional Self-Acceptance. September 10, 2008. Retrieved from Psychology Today.
- What You Need to Know about Willpower: The Psychological Science of Self-Control. Retrieved from American Psychological Association.
- Srini Pillay, MD. Greater Self-Acceptance Improves Emotional Well-Being. May 16, 2016. Retrieved from Harvard Health.
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